Not a Housewife

(sources: http://www.suite101.com and http://realitytvmagazine.sheknows.com)

Take a look at the two seemingly identical images above and tell me what the difference is… well if you didn’t notice there is a women missing in the one on the left. This Brazilian woman is Fernanda Rocha and she is a lesbian that just became a citizen of the United States this season. The interesting thing about these images is that it is the same thing, just with and without her. She is clearly different from these women providing a representation not only for the gay community, but also for women of color to have a main role on this show.

As empowering as this may seem, there is one problem. She is NOT considered one of the housewives. Sure she isn’t married and doesn’t have kids, but neither is Gretchen Rossi. Fernanda is in almost every episode and attends all of the events with the housewives, but she is more so portrayed as a housewife groupie instead of a housewife.

This is not only demoralizing the gay community, but also women of color because it shows discrimination based on these two things. I will give it to Bravo for finally adding some diversity in to the show instead of all the women portraying the white, blonde haired skinny traits, but they should have taken the next step in making her a housewife. Without doing that they are just continuing to set back the pace for the LBGTQ communities attempt to move towards equality because with medias large influence on today’s cultures this can be extremely damaging. Not only does this show that The Real Housewives praises you stereotypical white blonde haired woman, but it shows as a women that is a lesbian or a different race you will be discriminated against and left out of the group.

This show does have another reference to the gay community, but it proves to also be just as demoralizing. Alexis Bellino has a gay assistant, Dylan, for her dress line and when Jim is unable to attend Peggy Tanous’ dinner party with her she takes Dylan as her ‘date’. Gretchen Rossi’s boyfriend Slade Smiley also could not attend this dinner party so she brought a gay man with her as well. At first, just as with Fernanda, this appears to be a stride forward for the gay community because they are being represented through the media. But this quickly makes a turn for the worst because the ladies make a comment about how every woman needs a gay man as an accessory. In making this statement they are making a mockery of the gay community and making it appear as though gays are less then human in calling them accessories. This could easily affect how other women and men portray a gay man in society because "regardless of the stereotype portrayed in the films, studies have found that the public continues to be influenced by what they are seeing, with the portrayals either affirming or helping to construct their underlying belief system" (Hammer 33). Based on the face that this show provides such little exposure to the gay community, those who watch this show may quickly form a stereotype that all gays are like the few that were depicted on The Real Housewives of Orange County.

Benevolent vs. Hostile Sexism

Throughout The Real Housewives of Orange County it has been apparent that these women choose their husbands not for love, but for their occupations, cash and status. But, why?! Castro explains that, “Gender roles, along with marital roles and other specific roles (e.g. occupation), then guide preferences for types of mates (604). This is because women and men want to maximize their outcomes. These women surely do maximize their outcomes by marrying for financial support, but the men do the same thing because in marrying these women as sole caretakers (with the help of their nannies) they can focus on life outside of the home (i.e. their work and making money). This is probably the easiest way to describe the situation we see in many of the housewives; marrying for successful men.

All of the information described above is a great example of benevolent sexism. Benevolent sexism is “positive attitudes towards traditional women” (605). This show can almost fit in to this definition completely because not only is it praising the patriarchal system, but it is also rewarding the women who continue to stay in this domestic role. For example, Alexis Bellino and Peggy Tanous are these traditional women and their husbands treat them well (i.e. shower them with extravagant gifts) and the media portrays their relationships in a very postitive way. Every time we see Peggy and Alexis with their husbands their marriage seems to be running smooth and they are living the dream. These two above images provide an example of these because they both portray the idea of one happy family. (images: http://www.dailymail.co.uk and http://lynnnchicago101.wordpress.com)

On the other hand, The Real Housewives of Orange County represents a form of hostile sexism as well. According to Castro this is when women are punished for taking on the roles that a man usually holds. Vicki Gunvalson and Tamra Barney (shown to the left consoling one another) are perfect examples of this. Vicki Gunvalson is the provider in her household and now her marriage is falling apart and she is divorcing Don. As I watched this marriage unfold throughout the season, the media seemed to portray the main problem as Vicki’s job, which clearly implies that Vicki should not have been trying to do what Don would ‘traditionally’ be doing. Tamra is another woman whose marriage fell apart on this show, but it wasn’t due to occupations. In this case it was because Tamra was trying to take more freedom in her marriage, but as the dominant male Simon would not allow her to do so. On the most recent episode they even show Alexis stating that her traditional relationship style must be better because Vicki and Tamra's relationships are going through divorce and she is still married. (image: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com)

The way that all of these different styles of relationships are represented hand-in-hand with sexism in the media is harming to society. It enforces the idea that if you want to live a happy life, you need to be submissive to your husband and take on the domestic role. Tests ran in 2006 correlate very well with this concept… “In general…women placed greater importance on financial aspects in a mate and men placed greater importance on good cook and housekeeper qualities in a mate” (611). These results could have easily been influence by what women are seeing on television as the correct way to act in society and is diminishing the advancements towards equality in marriage.

Money > Love

Madly in Love, But NOT Stupid

This clip shows Gretchen Rossi with her boyfriend Slade Smiley. Gretchen is the one who makes all the money in this relationship because Slade is unemployed and in debt. He used to be the husband of another housewife (Jo), but then his career plunged downward and now he is in numerous amounts of debt for not paying the child support he can no longer afford. This is all making Gretchen very hesitant to marry him, although she is madly in love with him.

Yes, in a previous blog Gretchen was the one who spoke about how shallow the whole process of her friends finding their husbands was, but Gretchen’s reason for not wanting to be with Slade in some ways is just as shallow and superficial. One of the reasons being that she is worried about the way that people will see her and Slade's relationship and that people will talk bad about them. This is something that I can relate to and I know many other girls in today’s society can as well. When my friends and I will talk about things that we want to do, one of the things that will judge the likelihood of us actually doing so is what other people will think. I have also seen this throughout society and it is very similar to the conscious in the back of our heads, but instead of telling us the right thing to do it is telling us not to do something if others will look down on it. With this being said, I believe that based on what we think others will think about our actions we decide whether or not to actually partake in the action. Gretchen shows that this is in actuality an important aspect of life, and could really be influencing some of the young girls watching this show. It would again enforces the overarching idea that has come up across the blog that women shouldn’t do what their hearts are telling them but in this specific scenario it is because of what others will think.

Another problem here is that she is enforcing the idea on viewers that love is not enough. Although Gretchen could be such a strong role model in the show for providing for herself, this in a way backfires that because it shows that she is not confident in providing for herself forever and that she needs someone who is financially stable. I think this really enforces the concept of comfort in a patriarchal system that this show continuously displays. Gretchen wants to have a child, but apparently she needs a working husband in order to be able to do so. It is also interesting that she is holding back from marrying Slade based on his financial situation because they could get married without having a child. This would lead to Gretchen showing herself as the strong women in the relationship, but she is hesitant to do so. Instead she wants to be able to have the same type of relationship as the other women where the husband is making money as well, and this might even affect her occupation (because she may quit her job to be a primary caretaker) later in life as well.

Can't Have Both

The image to the left is one of Vicki and Don about a year ago renewing their vows. Vicki promised to start to split her time more equally between family time and work time, but clearly she could not 'have both' because the couple is now headings towards divorce.

Okay, so not all the women are completely dependent on their husbands. For example, Vicki Gunvalson is the breadwinner in her family and her husband is reaping her benefits. Something very interesting that falls into play here though is that Vicki is the least happy housewife in her marriage with Don and throughout all of the seasons numerous troubles are shown within their marriage dynamic. Now, during season 6 Vicki has decided to file for a divorce due to all of this.

The interesting thing about this situation is that it matches up with the statistical information the Giele found in her study on Homemaker or Career Woman. She found that, “The women who worked outside of the home also reported less satisfaction with their husbands and their marriages than the stay-at-home wives” (396). Vicki reports much dissatisfaction with Don throughout the show, but usually it tends to be her own fault. She is very upset that they do not spend a lot of time together and feels that they are living separate lives in their relationship. Here I can really feel for Don because Vicki is always at work and whenever Don would try to tell her to work less she would get very offended. Vicki wants to have the best of both worlds in having a loving relationship with Don and in being successful with her business as an independent woman, but it has proven to be something that is truly impossible. “You can’t have lots of both, but you can have some of both at the same time” (405). Vicki is trying to have lots of both in her life, and when she realizes she can’t do this, instead of managing her time better in order to have some of both, she choose her job over her marriage.

This is something that is very women empowering and Vicki should be given credit for. She didn’t sacrifice her job in order to follow the patriarchal societies viewpoint on marriage, but this is also something that may be very discerning for women that tune into this show. If a man can have a job, and still stay married why can it not work in the reverse direction? Why is it such a problem in a marriage if the woman is the breadwinner? Maybe Vicki’s situation is not the best one to compare this with because she is shown as a complete work-aholic, but she just wants to prove that her family can be just as successful as all of the other housewives who are riding on their husband’s financial situations. Regardless of how you look at it, to viewers watching the show this could definitely implement into a young girls mind that as a working women, you will not have as much satisfaction with your life at home. This could therefore lead to many more women moving back towards the patriarchal way of life and giving up their independence for this so-called ‘happy family’.

Dependency on Husbands

To the right is an image of Tamra and Simon Barney before their divorce. This image was taken on the 'Girl's Trip' that Vicki Gunvalson planned for solely the houseWIVES to attend and spend some time together as a group, but Simon intervened.

http://deathby1000papercuts.com

Not only does The Real Housewives of Orange County enforce the idea of having a patriarchal relationship, but it also shows that these women are completely dependent on their husbands and they would struggle without having them (and their money). In some cases this is forced, such as in Tamra Barney’s relationship to her ex-husband Simon in Season 5. In this marriage Simon would not allow her to travel alone because he was a very controlling husband. Tamra didn’t like this, but she knew she had to obey the rules that Simon wanted enforced into their relationship so when Vicki Gunvalson attempted to plan a girls trip, the men also came down for a boys trip in order to supervise their wives. There is even a scene before they get divorced where Tamra admits she is afraid to divorce Simon because she doesn’t think she will be able to support herself and her kids on her own. By not allowing Tamra to do things on her own throughout their marriage, Simon became an inhibitor. He prevented Tamra from knowing that she is strong enough to provide for herself so that she would always feel dependent on him.

Although Tamra spoke about how this wasn’t a choice it was something she had to do, season 5 housewife Alexis Bellino shows dependence on her husband as just the way a relationship should be. So, in season 5 when Vicki plans this girls trip Alexis refuses to go without her spouse Jim because they are too in love to be apart. She also relates her ideals with Vicki and Don’s relationship, in stating that there must be something wrong there if Vicki wants to travel without Don. In my opinion, if Jim won’t Alexis go on a girls trip and she is okay with it this is a complete source of male dominance in the relationship where Alexis is dependent on her husband for something as simple as traveling. In the most recent episode of The Real Housewives, Alexis continues to talk about the idea of dependency on her husband because he is the one who funded everything for her dress line. She believes that the problem with liberal America today is that women want too much freedom from men. This clearly shows that Alexis thinks women need to be dependent on their husbands and she is openly bashing all of the strides forward that feminists and other women have made in gaining marriage equality.

These ideas prove that not only are the housewives dependent on their husbands for their income, but they are also dependent on their husbands because they are not allowed to be their own independent persons.

Praising the Patriarchal

The picture to the left is an image of Alexis and Jim Bellino attending mass. In the image Jim seems to be starting Alexis down to make sure she is acting as he pleases because he is the dominant figure in their traditional patriarchal relationship.

Alexis and Jim Bellino (clip)

The above clip encompasses pretty much everything that is wrong with The Real Housewives of Orange County, and why they are damaging the image of a modern day woman. First of all, Alexis Bellino states that Jim would not want her to have another job, therefore her job is to be the best mom and wife she can be. This is completely demeaning to women because it clearly portrays the male dominance in her relationship because Jim is the decision-maker. Although in the most recent season of The Real Housewives Alexis does start to have her own job in making a dress line, she states that the second it gets in the way of her relationship and marriage (aka the second Jim doesn’t want her to continue on with this job) she will quit and go back to full time housewife. In the most recent episode of The Real Housewives Alexis takes this even further by stating that, “Jim is the man and he is the final decision maker”. This proves that the women on this show truly don’t have an incentive to work for themselves when they could just ride on what their husband is making. But it also shows that even when the women do want to work, it is up to their husband’s discretion.

Jim and Alexis praise the fact that their marriage is a traditional marriage and they continuously relate it to the church and with God. This whole concept is very interesting because in Padgett’s article, he explains that women’s roles in the church and at home is always to submit to the man (23-4). The church sees it this way because women were made second to that of man; Eve was created from Adam. In the episode on Monday June 5, 2011 Alexis relates her subservience to her husband completely to this idea in agreeing to the fact that women were made from man’s bones, so men should be in charge. I completely do not agree with this because don’t think that we are supposed to take everything the Bibles says so literally, but in the patriarchal religious relationships males feed off of this idea.

Not only is this show displaying a patriarchal society, but also it is completely glamorizing the idea of one. These women get to live lives of luxury because they do not work. They are able to use their husband’s money to relax and keep their bodies in shape. This is clearly not the life of your typical housewife because the majority of real world housewives do not have the option of having two nannies for three children. Because of this huge gap between reality and what is being displayed on television this could create a negative connotation for young girls in today’s society. Those who watch this show may get the idea of, why work when I can get everything I want if I just climb the ladder. These women seem to enjoy their lives by having little freedom, so why shouldn’t I want to be like that? If this ends up to be the case, this show will have a terrible affect on society because it will move us backwards after all the hard work that has been enforced in order to have equal marriage rights for women in today’s world.

Appearance is the Solution

http://blogs.babble.com/famecrawler

Botox, plastic surgery, spa day, working out, fake tans, blonde hair and skimpy outfits. These women truly work hard to keep their bodies in tip top shape, but why? If they already have the guy what is the point in still working so hard to look hot? Well, Real Housewife of Orange County, Peggy Tanous shows us all why. It was her husband Micah’s birthday and for his gift she decided to take some sexy photographs of herself and bind them all together in a book (Peggy’s Portfolio). Her reason for doing this was so that when they were older he can remember that he had a sexy wife. This is completely demeaning to women because it really shows that the main thing holding their relationship together is based on how she looks.

This idea relates with many other housewives, for example when Tamra Barney and her ex-husband Simon were having problems with their relationship she went and got his name tattooed to her ring finger. I know this doesn’t correlate completely with the idea of having a “hot body” but it shows the importance of ‘things’ not ‘love’ to solve relationship issues. In the real world, when there is trouble with relationships couples should be talking out their issues, instead of making stupid materialistic gestures in order to prove to the other that they are still in love. This can definitely influence society in a harmful way because with the future getting more and more technology and materialistic based, people might start to look towards money to solve all their problems.

The whole appearance situation represented on TV is a strong stereotype that has lead to many problems in our culture today. This was represented in the previous blog on “Media Sways Values” which used statistical information from Hammers article on Stereotypes in Film. One main stereotype she went over was based on what our culture sees as beautiful and she proved that our society tends to favor the physically attractive (35). This television show is taking this step even further by also influencing women to think that attractiveness can solve all of their problems and can lead to happiness. But another problem with this show is that the happiness that they are portraying is very much so correlated with materialistic goods, instead of what a true housewife would be happy with… aka a happy and loving family.